Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
