bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
