does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
