she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
