I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
