I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
