:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
