So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize