i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
