I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
