I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
