You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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