I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize