I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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