Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
