yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
