A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
