I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize