I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
