The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
