I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
