Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
