I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
