omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
