You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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