You made me cry and you don't even care
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
