girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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