please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
