Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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