tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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