she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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