I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
