I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
