I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
