Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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