you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
