I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize