don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
