i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
