I am puke
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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