There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
