insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
