I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
