I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
