I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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