I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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