i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
