It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
