My friends, they love my intelligence
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
