Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
