I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
