Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Send help, water and tortillas.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
