Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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