Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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