I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
