the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All the doctor said was why
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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