i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
