I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
