anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
