That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
