i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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