can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
