Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have post one night stand depression
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