I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
