You're my little dorito
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
