i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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