when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I die, sorry about rent.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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