And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
