people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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