He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
