im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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