how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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