wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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