I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They have beer where we have blood.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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