You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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