i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
