Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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