I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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