He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
