I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
