my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
