she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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