I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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