btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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