It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
