Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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