If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
